Chuck Norris Goes "Walker, Texas Wingnut" Over Abortion, Slut Shaming, and…Mary Magaldene???

We all know how wingnut celebs can go off the chain…see Michelle Bachmann, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, etc., etc,. and so on.

Some are more wingnutty then others, though…and a few just simply are off the charts.

Actor Chuck Norris — known for such distinct film and TV credits as The Rifleman, Missing in Action, and Walker: Texas Ranger – has become a rather outspoken Hard Right wingutter activist these days…and this week, he solidified his place in the Ulterverse of the Crazaa with a speil posted to Rich Lowry’s Human Events online rag addressing one of his favored pet peeves: namely, abortion as part of the Vast Leftist/Socialist/Secularist Conspiracy against God-Fearin’, Gun-Luvin’, Superkickin’ America. (His support for the secession of Texas from the Union aside, of course.)

The essay begins with Norris bemoaning current happenings in Washington D.C., regarding the current health care debate…especially what Chuckie sees as the dire threat of them Socialist Democrats to the safety of the preborn::

First, last Monday the Senate rejected the health care reform bill amendment introduced by Sen. Ben Nelson, D-Neb., and Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, that would have banned federal funds from providing for abortion.

Then, on Thursday, the House of Representatives rushed the clandestine approval of an overinflated $1 trillion omnibus bill, which includes 5,224 earmarks — costing about $3.9 billion — and an underhanded provision that would overturn a long-standing budget ban in the District of Columbia (whose budget is overseen by Congress) for federally funding abortions.

Then, after the Democratic-controlled Senate cleared a procedural vote on Saturday needed to end a Republican filibuster, in yet another near-secret Sunday afternoon session, the Senate passed the omnibus bill and the provision for Washington, D.C. Tragically, the bill also would appropriate $648.5 million for “international family planning” funding (an increase of $103 million over 2009) and would give funding for Planned Parenthood and the United Nations Population Fund, both of which have pro-abortion agendas.

In short, while President Obama was accepting the Nobel Peace Prize, the Democrats in Congress drove a sword through the womb of the unborn.

Of course, this essay was written before today’s news that Senator Nelson was threatening to block and filibuster the entire Senate HCR bill unless his favored antiabortion riders were included (and the further reductions of the tiny crumbs of subsidies to the poor that would serve as mostly candy sprikle over the mountain of crap giveaway/blackmail to Big Insura)…but that’s more irrelevant to this story for now.

Now, Chuck Norris has every right to state his opposition to abortion, as does every American citizen. And if he has the bucks to use a rag like Human Events to spill his seeds of anger, well, more power to him.

It’s a bit more problematic, though, when you attempt to reenforce your case with rhetoric like this:

Washington certainly has reached a new low by forcing American citizens who oppose abortion to pay for abortions via their taxes in this massively comprehensive way. Is it intentionally trying to spark the next Boston Tea Party? When our greatest values are thrown under the omnibus, how do they expect us to respond? (Washington’s wild spending and abandonment of traditional values and our Founders’ vision is what prompted me to add a 64-page expansion to the new paperback version of my New York Times best-seller Black Belt Patriotism, being released in January through Fidelis Books. See the new Web site at [Norris’s webpage redacted, just google for it yourself.].)

Let’s forget about the gross pimping of Norris’ tome (gee, I guess that rather than throw tea into Boston Harbor, righties should just Superkick them evil socialist Dems out of power??) and get to the main heart of his graph: that federal funds are being used to fund abortions.  Someone might want to alert Chuckles that there already is a prohibition in the law called the Hyde Amendment, that pretty much eliminates federal funding for such matters.

Now, what the Nelson amendment  — and its House equivalent by Michigan Rep. Bart Stupak that is already included in the House version of the HCR legislation (which, of course, wingnuts like Norris still oppose to the death as “socialist”) — would do is to deny any health care entity using money from whatever “exchange” is used to expand health care beyond the private system, if not any HC provider using the exchange itself, from offering any form of reproductive remedy for women….including abortion, contraception, or even selling condoms.  The amendment would also allow providers to use “conscienciious religious objection” to deny the provision of treatment such as contraception or any other form of prescription based on conservative morality…even for patients who have already paid for their services.

Hummph….I guess that throwing women’s autonomy and reproductive choices under the “onmibus” as well as allowing fundamentalist Christians a back door means of imposing their fascist morality on the rest of us isn’t considered enough for Norris to warrent “the next Boston Tea Party”, right?? And, like I said, he’ll still oppose the bill anyway due to its “reckless Washington spending” on giving those shiftless lazy niggaz and illegal aliens….errrrr, poor, government dependent Black and Latin@ poor folk….access to health care they clealy don’t deserve.  That must be reserved for Real Amerikins’…those who know how to dropkick Muslims, homosexuals, and slutty feminazis.  Uh-huh.

Next, Norris reveals the value of wingnut education though a (mis)reading of polling data:

Obama and Congress’ pro-abortion steps are being taken despite a recent nationwide survey that revealed that 4 in 5 U.S. adults would limit abortion’s legality. One in 3 would limit abortion to rape, incest or the saving of a mother’s life. One in 3 also would limit abortion to either the first three or first six months. Only 9 percent said abortion should be legal for any reason at any time during pregnancy.

Sounds interesting…except for the fact that you could interpret the same numbers to say that 67% would NOT limit the right of a woman to terminate pregnancy to the issues of rape, incest, or threat to the mother’s life; that the second study could just as easily be intrepreted to say that the same 67% would favor keeping abortion safe and legal within the first, if not the second trimester of pregnancy (where the overwhelming majority of abortions take place); and with the common sense note that it’s hardly likely that a woman would wait until after the 18th week of pregnancy just to decide to cut it off, so any third-trimester terminations are probably based on the dire threats to the life of the mother); and that very, very few people other than a fire-breathing radical feminist would even come close to promoting abortion on the 23rd week of pregnancy. Perhaps that’s why Norris doesn’t link the “nationwide survey” so that people of good cause can analyze it….common sense comes a dime a quadrillion for these folk.

After some more pimping and calls of the usual push poll, “call your Congressman and STOP this Modern preborn holocaust”, Norris gets to the heart of his mission as to how the war on the preborn dovetails with that other wingnut war without end, the “War on Christmas”. The results are, shall we say, stunning:

Lastly, as we near the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary had been covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor and uninsured teenage woman had been provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy? Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind if their parents had been as progressive as Washington’s wise men and women! Will Obamacare morph into Herodcare for the unborn?

Hold up a sec…..we are talking about Mary Magaldene, right??  The former prostitute who just so happened to be selected by The Lord Almighty to concieve through Virgin Birth (that means NO cheap whorish sex, Chuck) the future King of Kings and Prince of Peace…the one who while living talked about doing onto others as you would “the least of thee”; the one who gave the Sermon on the Mount; the one who drove the Moneychangers out of the Temple?? And….the one who said that thing about “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”?? I know, I know…that’s not the Wingnut version of the story of Jesus Christ that Chuck Norris would abide to, but it is His words as spoken in the Holy Word that is the Bible…why the hell would Obama “liberals” stone Holy Mary for that?? And I would probably guess that Mary, Mother of God, probably would be willing to accept health care (or, at least, a clean and safe manger) to bring Jesus into this world, right?? Because, I don’t really think that The Lord would take too kindly to the mother of his Son being stoned…see the destruction of Sodom and Gommorah for lesser offenses like raping angels.

In fact, Chuckie, you might want to consider your Teabagger allies before you run any smack about liberals wanting to stone women and kill babies….because wasn’t Herod  more of a right-winger who would side with the Moneychangers??

And as for “being erased from history and the influence of mankind”…would that include those who died due to the Inquisition or the Middle Ages wars of religion??

Ahhhh…yeah. Herodcare, indeed.

Of course, as Renee from Womanist Musings pointed out so clearly, all Norris is revealing is his own misogynistic myopia:

What’s a little holiday slut shaming between devout Christians, right?  Perhaps, if women’s bodies were not stigmatized, being an unwed mother would not be problematic?  It seems like a reasonable assumption to me.  Instead of giving birth in a manger, socialized healthcare would mean pre-natal care (shocking, I know) and a safe delivery in a hospital….but hey, it’s only baby Jesus, right?  Who needs good medical care when you are giving birth to the son of God?  Interestingly enough, I think Herod would be more inline with present day Conservative positions than Obama….but hey, who needs historical accuracy and logic when you have disciplining and slut shaming to do.  Of course, Mary did keep her legs crossed but being a woman in a patriarchal society means that no matter the situation, you are always guilty of something.

I’m so sure that Chuckles would be so caring for all the other poor single women who were pregnant, barefoot, and suffering at that time.  Sure, he would.

Oh, but wait….Norris isn’t finished thursting yet

America doesn’t need to turn the page on culture wars, such as the one on abortion. It needs to reopen the pages of its history to our Founders’ elevated views of and rights for all human beings (including those in the womb), as documented in the Declaration of Independence and our Constitution. We need to revive and re-instill their value of humanity back into society, our children and our children’s children.

And most of all, Washington needs to run our government as Thomas Jefferson outlined in an 1809 letter: “The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only legitimate object of good government.”

Oh, so the Declaration of Independence actualy did say that all unborn children were as worthy of life as the already born…and that all human beings  — including women, Blacks (that slavery thing excluded), poor people without wealth or property, and of course the Native and Hispanic population not unfortunate enough to get slaughtered and their homelands stolen from under them — are worthy of protection for their freedom of religion…as long as that religion serves The Bible According to Rush Limbaugh. Oh, wait…it didn’t?? And most of the Founding Fathers were actually Deists who didn’t believe in God….and specifically opposed mixing Church and State?? What are ‘ya…an evil athiest Socialist Liberal Muslim from Kenya??? Why, you anti-American Commie, I oughta…. *smack to the ground*

I could say something against all this crap, but Renee says it so much better than I could, so I’ll just borrow from her.

When all else fails, just call upon the founders because they weren’t in the least bit flawed, like every other person that has walked the planet.  We can just ignore that the rights that they were fighting for benefitted privileged, rich, educated White men, who interestingly enough, aside from the educated part, are quite a bit like Norris himself.  Women and Blacks weren’t even considered people but hey, why let a little thing like that tarnish the image of the saintly founders? Perhaps, the lure of manifest destiny and the slaughter of millions of First Nations peoples kept them to busy to consider the morality of their actions.  You know how it is when you get an idea in your head, if you a goal driven person.

When you examine who is touting conservative values, how can their views be taken seriously?  From Sara Palin to Chuck Norris, not a one of them has a functioning brain cell between them.  They always hearken back to this mythical past, ignoring that in reality, for those living during that time it was a nightmare.  Before the women’s movement there were no domestic violence shelters.  How many women lived with their abusers with no possibility of escape?  Before Roe vs Wade, how many women died in back alley abortions?  If the past was perfect, we should ask who was it perfect for because I am certain that an unemployed, single Black mother has it rough today and she would have had it even worse in previous times.

When we pull the curtain away from the wizard, what we see is failed logic desperately employed to reduce the lives of women, while maintaining patriarchal power.  If Norris is so concerned about teh babies, why isn’t he actively working to fight child poverty or for better education in schools? The bottom line is that none of this concern troll knuckle twisting is really about concern for children; it is about disciplining women for daring to demand control over their reproduction.   If children really mattered, they would not be abused, undereducated, and used as a political tools by people.

Oh, but Rene..folks like Walker, Texas Wingnut are certainly concerned about the education of our youth…which is why he is so keen on black belts and karate training. How else should a right-wing whackjob deal with women whom he wants to control???