[This is another post from the old SmackChron that was posted last November.]

[Updated below: scroll to bottom.]

You know…it is really tempting for me to jump head first into the latest fracus involving the former Miss California Carrie Prejean, who recently had her Joan of Arc transformation hit another huge stumble.

The woman who has attempted to make herself into the martyr for beautiful artificially enhanced right-wing fundie Christain beauty pagent ingenues got herself caught yet again when she attempted to sue the officials of the Miss California pagent for $1 million damages from their stripping her of her title due to her supposed breach of their contract. Prejean had claimed that she was being target solely for her conservative religious views.

Well, it’s kinda hard to say you are being persecuted when you take advantage of the pagents largesse to get a boob job, or you hide from the pagent officials cheesecake topless photos you made of yourself earlier in your career…but that pales in comparison to this latest.

For, you see, the pagent officials broke out a videotape at the hearing on her lawsuit showing Ms. Prejean doing a lot more than just posing.

As in…full on naked.

As in…masturbating.

Complete with a facial closeup that proved that it was indeed her, in spite of her initial denials. “That’s disgusting!!!” she was alleged to have said at first.

15 seconds after the film ended, Ms. Prejean dropped her lawsuit.

That night, James Dobson’s fundie Right group Focus on the Family dropped Ms. Prejean from a benefit fundraiser they had scheduled her to appear in this week.

The Hollywood gossip site TMZ.com first released the news of the sex tape, with their usual snark (but without releasing the actual tape for the obvious legal reasons): “Let’s just say that she has a promising solo career ahead of her.”

And the popular reaction is of the usual range…from shrieks of denial and allegations of “Blackmail!!!” from her fans to cries of “Dirty hypotwat!” and “Skank ‘ho!!!” from her detractors.

For this man, though, there is mixed feelings.

Yeah, part of me is feeling the schaudenfreude of watching someone who lectures others on their lack of morality being hoisted on their own petard. You can’t moan and groan about gays and porn girls and sluts by day, Carrie dear, and make solo jill-off vids and softcore cheesecake at night.

On the other hand, though, I actually feel some empathy and even sympathy for Ms. Prejean…because for a woman who is raised on fundamentalist notions of sexuality, it’s not that easy to battle the conflict between everything you have been taught about non procreative sexuality being a “sin” of the devil, and those sexual feelings that young women obviously confront.

No one coerced Ms. Prejean into making that video, and I’m probably guessing that she sincerely enjoyed making it and got herself off good and plenty…and she was obviously doing it for the pleasure of herself and other viewers.

Being someone who is all about respecting female sexual pleasure, it is quite encouraging to me that even someone as bellicose and as pious as Carrie Prejean is capable of tapping into herself and her inner sexual desires. Just because she may have intended it to be only for her and her intimate partner’s enjoyment (though, I’m wondering if she might have wanted it out there for other people, but hesitated because it would conflict with her “good Christian girl” image) doesn’t mean that she or any other conservative woman isn’t capable of enjoying sex and orgasms for their own sake.

Of course, the Puritans on the Right (and not a few liberal Puritans as well) won’t take it too kindly that Ms. Prejean has missed up their preconceptions of young women as either repressed spinsters or mindless sluts. And the usual knuckle-draggers will make with all the usual insults of “We knew she was a skanky ‘ho who degrades women…now, when will we see the damn tape so that we may jack off ourselves??”

Personally, I admit it….I want to see the tape myself. Not to belittle or insult Ms. Prejean, but to honor her. I really do hope that she did have a good time making the tape, and that whomever the tape was intended for got what was intended from it.

And maybe, just maybe, all the fracus about this tape will begin a period of enlightenment for Ms. Prejean, in which she reconciles the beauty of her body and her sexuality with the voices whispering in her head that sexuality is something to be feared or repressed. Perhaps, she will see that she is a hell of a lot closer to those porn performers and “sluts” who engage in and even record their acts of self-pleasure for the sheer joy of the orgasm than she is to the Jim Dobsons and Pat Buchanans and Michelle Bachmanns who use her celebrity and noteriety to sell their own repressive fascist agenda.

Then again, she might just call it an evil gay/liberal conspiracy and continue to rant and moan about “traditional values” and the dire threat of gay marriage. Who knows??

Either way, I’d rather respect women who make masturbation videos who don’t feel shame or disgust for loving sex. Whether they be conservative, liberal, radical or not.

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[Update 11-10-2009]

Well..I tried to give Carrie P the benefit of the doubt, but she just took it and crushed my hopes to the ground. Looks like she’s going full tilt wingnut Haggard on us.

This week, Miss Prejean has been hitting the talk show circuit hard (with stops at The View, NBC Today, and Fixed Noise’s Hannity), attempting to play her Joan of Arc act that she was merely a victim of the usual liberal media witch hunt against conservative women…even goin so far as to refer herself to being “Palinized” merely for standing up for “traditional values” and “Christian faith”. What’s so particually inane is that she’s now pimping her “tell-all” book, where she decides to blame her current troubles on not only those dirty leftists, but even dares to take shots at the secular culture and especially porn for its alleged evil impacts on society I’ll just give you some examples Carrie’s lunacy:.

Former Miss California Carrie Prejean on Tuesday defended a recently surfaced erotic video of her as a youthful indiscretion and questioned whether it could actually be called a “sex tape” since no one else appears in it.

“It was me by myself. There was no one else with me. I was not having sex,” the controversial beauty queen told TODAY’s Meredith Vieira in New York.

Prejean admitted to making the video of herself and sending it to her boyfriend when she was 17 years old. The tape surfaced during a negotiating session with the Miss California pageant officials over a lawsuit Prejean filed against the organization for stripping her of her crown earlier this year. When the tape’s existence was revealed, Prejean dropped her suit and settled with the officials, who reportedly paid her $100,000 to go toward her legal expenses.

(excerpted from MSNBC.com online article)

Ahhh….OK, Carrie….so it was a tape that you made when you were young. But…surely you were raised with all those wonderful Christian values enough that you had a sliver of thought back then about the repercussions of making such a tape BEFORE you actually made it??

And please….you “weren’t having sex”?!?!?! Last time I checked, stimulating your clit with your fingers resulting in an orgasm was still considered to be sex….otherwise, how in the hell would you criticize Bill Clinton for what he had with Monica Lewinsky?? Or, does the Bible allow for exeptions for masturbation lately??

“You can call it whatever you want to call it. If you want to call it a sex tape, that’s fine,” Prejean told Vieira. “I sent it to my boyfriend at the time. I was a teenager. I cared about him. I trusted him,” she added. “I think now they call it ‘sexting.’“Did I think it would come back now and haunt me? No. But I think that a lot of young people can learn from this. Nothing is private anymore. Nothing is private.”

Really, Carrie?? Well…it certainly isn’t private when you go out and run nonsense like this (excerpted from her soon-to-released bio, via TMZ.com):

“Unfortunately, pornography has become mainstreamed — it rushes at us through big screens, portable screens; soft-core porn is on mainstream TV cable stations, hard-core porn is just a mouse click away on the internet, and the envelope of what seems acceptable seems to get pushed farther and farther as more and more people are exposed to this material.

The result is that girls grow up in a culture where it is hard to have an innocent, healthy, normal view of themselves, how they should behave, how they should act, and how they should dress.”

“Our bodies are temples of the Lord. We should earn respect and admiration for our hearts, not for showing skin to look sexy … I have since learned that your outer beauty can only get you so far in life.”

Let’s see here….so, calling Carrie Prejean out on her hypocrisy in getting her ass caught making sex tapes and softcore porn stills while decrying the availability of such material on the public is basically “trashing conservative women.” I guess that means that Michelle Bachmann and Ann Coulter aren’t really as batshitty as we think, but are simply misunderstood and trashed by the “liberal” media??

And of course, “American values are under attack”…mostly by the overwhelming majorities of Americans who actually voted the likes of Barack Obama into office, and who,elected Democrats to super-majority status (though it is highly questionable whether that amouts to “liberal bias” to begin with) and rejected the social conservative policies represented by that other conservative martyr, Sarah Palin. But, hey, that must have been a figment of the liberal media’s imagination, too, I guess..

As for the smackdown on Olbermann….well, he had a response for that. You think that KO wouldn’t be ready??

Countdown with Keith Olbermann (MSNBC): 11/9/09 “#1 Story” segment  on Carrie Prejean’s “sex tape” hypocrisy and her call out of the “liberal” media for alegedly “attacking” her (via YouTube)

You would think that Amanda Marcotte would step a bit more lightly into issues of gender politics and sexuality since her last encounters; where she pissed off feminists of color several times by stealing Brownfemipower’s speech as her own, then breaking out a cover for her latest book that practically reeked of anti-Black racist imagery; and then managing to piss off women with artificially enhanced breasts by spouting off the superiority of naturally small-titted women.

You would think wrong, of course.

Not that Amanda doesn’t do some excellent work and make some excellent points as a hip indie liberal spokesperson, but on some occasions she is capable of biting off more than her mouth can digest.

I give you two examples forthhence.

First off….we have Amanda’s response to Playboy December 2009 Playmate and bikini model Joanna Krpa, who used the pages of Fixed Noise’s website to defend posing naked for that esteemed magazine in pretty strong terms:

However, the magazine’s December cover girl, bikini model and “DWTS” star Joanna Krupa, has something to say to those women who view the men’s magazine as sexist and demeaning to the female gender.

“I think they suffer from lack of knowledge and tunnel vision. How many of those self-important, so-called ‘feminists’ have been on the set when a celebrity shot a Playboy spread? There you go. What is feminist about discriminating a photo shoot just because it involves female (partial) nudity that happens to give men pleasure? Pathetic,” Krupa told Tarts in an exclusive interview.

“There are several great reasons why female celebs line up to shoot Playboy: finally a woman gets paid more than a man for comparable work, she gets to set the rules, gets to be in a real team work with other women, as many key positions at Playboy are in fact held by women!” Krupa adds. “She brings in her creative ideas, gets involved in the photo selection and ends up with something she co-created through and through.”

Notice that Krupa isn’t quite saying that Playboy Playmates have more power than other women in other professions; just that they do get a great deal of autonomy and power to determine their own destiny, and they do get paid a great deal more than the men do, too. And remember, this is Playboy, not HUSTLER….nudity rather than actual sex.

Nevertheless, that alone was enough to upset Amanda’s cookies, for this is how she responded in the typical “See me, the hip liberal elitist feminist” fashion of hers (special innanity emphasized by me):

This is the sort of ill thought-out argument that makes me grumpy first thing in the morning. (Via.) The idea behind the “porn is empowering!” argument is that women who work in porn gain power in a pragmatic way, playing by men’s rules, and feminists should support this for pragmatic reasons, because at the end of the day, women have more real power. And that would be a legitimate argument if the women involved had more power at the end of the day. But what power do they have, exactly? Johanna Kruppa cites the big paychecks you get for nude modeling in Playboy, but since those paychecks stop coming when you’re a hag of 23 or so (or possibly younger), then it’s a false form of power.

You know who has real power in the real world? Hillary Clinton. Nancy Pelosi. Tina Fey, even. Hell, I have more power than a Playboy model in the real world, since my opinions are taken seriously. All of us would never have this if we posed for Playboy, because as much as the men who make the rules coo and flatter Playboy models, they actually think you’re dumb bimbos and they don’t give a shit what you have to say.

Do I think this is fair? No. I think that it would be a better world if someone could both be in Playboy and be a congresswoman. But fair isn’t the point, by Kruppa’s own measurement—she’s making a “getting power in the unfair real world” argument, after all. But she’s failing to understand that her argument fails on its own measures.

Of course, nowhere in Krupa’s interview did she even hint that she had more power than Nancy Pelosi or Hillary Clinton (or Sarah Palin, or Carly Fiona, or even Carrie Prejean), only that being a Playboy Playmate does have its advantages for the future.

But it’s Amanda’s notion of who has “real power” that has me really fascinated…in the way that watching a train wreck is interesting. Yes, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton have plenty of power (and look what good that has done during the recent health care debate, BTW….you’d think that the two most powerful women in politics wouldn’t get rolled by the likes of Bart Stupak, right???)…but their power comes from the institutions they represent (and the largesse they receive from corporations that rely on those institutions). Plus, even those positions are quite transient as well; nothing says that Pelosi can’t lose her Speakership if the Democrats lose big in the 2010 midterms, or even lose her seat and have to settle for the slightly less profitable largesse of the corporate sector.

Also….it’s really not about getting power that really matters, but what you do with it….and beauty models aren’t the only profession that relies of skills that can be transitory. Try being a professional athlete sometimes, Amanda; do you think that NFL or MLB players skills will last them forever and ever?? Yet, I don’t see you knocking them as any less “powerless” than you are….but then again, Playboy models seem to haave bigger tits and pull hunks a hell of a lot better than you have, right???

And as for the adage that adult models aren’t being taken seriously….well, not all of them wish to put themselves in the spotlight and spout their political views. Maybe they just want to bask in the moment of being recognized for their bodies and their beauty, and feed their egos and bank accounts in more private ways. Not everyone wants to or needs to become fighting feminists, you know. But, maybe Amanda should have actually listened to what Joanna Krupa had to say before spouting off about how superior she was.

Or…maybe it depends on which beauty contest she’s talking about at the moment.

Which brings us to Amanda’s second “WTF?!?” moment, whence she commented on the whole fracas involving former Miss California USA turned Christian fundamentalist Joan of Arc wannabe Carrie Prejean. As the world now knows, Miss Prejean has been on a campaign to play herself as the persecuted queen of conservative family values because she answered a question about gay marriage; and because she was ultimately defrocked from her crown due to not meeting her commitment to her title. The fact that she was making topless pictorals didn’t help her cause, either, even though initially Donald Trump and the Miss USA officials actually gave her a free pass, waiting for later to pull the plug. Then, when she decided to attempt to get paid by suing the paegent officials for “religious discrimination”, slander, and libel, directly citing her right-wing social views as the main reason why she was defrocked…revelations of her solo masturbation sex tapes emerged out of the blue which killed that attempt cold.

Considering that Miss Prejean has made it her personal duty and mission to educate the masses on the supposed abject evils of “pornography” and to deny not only gay and lesbian folk but also other women of the right to do exactly what she did in private, you would think that it would be a pretty strong stretch for a devout liberal feminist to defend her.

Oh, but guess who went there. And stayed there for the weekend.

I agree with Jeff here that it’s about time that we started viewing the release of privately made sexual photographs and videos to anyone other than their intended audience as a form of sexual assault. The motivation to do so is indistinguishable from that as a rapist—using sex as a tool to dominate and humiliate someone, while puffing up your own sense of power—and often the results could be even worse for the victim, because her assault was performed in front of a crowd. And I agree with Jeff that we need to consider Carrie Prejean’s ex-boyfriend the scum of the earth for releasing this video, and it’s true that it’s a case of sex being used against a woman to silence and humiliate her, as she’s claimed. All that said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with learning something from the fact that this video exists. That the video was released in an act of sexual assault, and should be treated as such. But that doesn’t mean that the act of making the video isn’t something that also matters, when the person who made it is a spokesperson for legally controlling and punishing the sexual behavior of others. I hope we can be nuanced enough about this to see that Prejean is both a victim and a horrible hypocrite. I think it’s important to realize that all these sex scandals involving the moral scolds of society demonstrate that right wingers really do get into being moral scolds because they want to reserve sexual pleasure for themselves while denying it to others. Also, that homobigotry isn’t really about some kind of strict view of human sexuality evenly applied, but that it’s basically just bigotry and attacking people for being in a minority.

Oh, really, Amanda?? Surely you know that Miss Prejean has appeared in such venues as the Focus on the Family convention and Sean Hannity’s Fixed Noise talk show extolling the virtues of abstinence and decrying the influence of “pornography” in our culture and how it allegedly debases “natural”, “wholsome” sexuality at the click of an Internet key, right?? And that she has been reported to have even attempted to lie about the age in which she appeared on those self-lovin’ vids, claiming that she was 17 (implying that she was an “underage victim” of evil men) when in fact she was of perfectly legal age and had signed model releases?? (Not to mention that she tried to put off her autonomy and will in making the photos and the vids by claiming that it was “the wind” that forced her breasts to be shown explicitly; and that the vids were meant to be merely personal and private but were released by the evil big, bad Liberal Media that really, really hates good strong Conservative women???)

Oh, and the vids were NOT released to the public (at least, not yet), one of the tapes was released to the Miss America officials as part of the defense of her lawsuit.

Now…as I posted here before here when the Prejean mess first came out, I’m not going to come down on her for making intimate sex videos or topless photos of herself; it’s her body to do with as she wishes. It’s the dissonance of hypocrisy, though, for her to do this AND simultaneously insist in being the Patron Saint of Christian prudery, let alone the Great Misunderstood Martyr for Ex-Sluts Turned Born Again Maidens for Christ. It’s not being perfect Christians, of which there are none; it’s about walking your talk and speaking one thing while doing exactly the opposite….or doing in private the sime exact things that you would censure and censor others for doing.

Of course, for folk like Amanda to acknowledge that would mean that she would actually have to acknowledge that there are women who actually DO sex videos and porn for their own pleasure and profit, and don’t hate themselves or the men and women who happily consume such product. Since Amanda wants to be in with the hip elitist antiporn feminist liberal crowd who sees such folk as anathema to their own concept of feminist purity and male sex baiting, she simply can’t go there. So much better to see Carrie Prejean as both a hypocrite AND a victim of universal male gawking and male sexuality…which serves as the wonderfully universal convenient scapegoat for feminists who want to “save” women in sex work and porn and adult modeling from the Evil Male Gaze…and from themselves, too.

And then there is the matter of “the evil boyfriend” who supposedly ruined and “slut shamed” Prejean by “releasing the tape to the public”. Ahhh…I really, really do hate to break in the joyous male baiting, but certain facts get in the way of the celebration:

1) The boyfriend did not steal the vids from Prejean; she GAVE them to him for his own entertainment. That makes them HIS videos, not hers.

2) He did not release them all to the public; he only gave one video to the legal team representing the Miss America paegent…and only after Prejean had apparently lectured him to lie about her being underage when doing the vids….which would by law subject him to legal charges and serious jail time. Why would she perpetrate such a lie, other than to cover up her role in the affair…and to maintain her air of hypocrisy as victim??

3) If he really wanted to destroy her, he would have released the offending videos during the paegent, when it would have done the most damage….remember, Prejean was reigning as Miss San Diego at the time, and the public release of those vids would have been absolutely toxic to her career. So, why did he wait until now, and why only one vid??

4) And maybe, just maybe, Prejean is being a bit coy about her outrage about the vids, using the publicity to full advantage to hawk her book and rail against the “liberal media” and make crackbacks at Keith Olbermann for not applying the same standards to Michelle Obama and Sonia Sotomayor?? Perhaps she would rather play both sides of the street, pretending to be so high and holy for the Christian fundie and radfem crowd, while also hawking her “other side” for her male conservative base to finance her future career?? It would’t be the first time someone played both the sex and anti-sex angle, you know.

But…when you have been raised to believe that all men are potential rapists who use their penii to slash and assault women, that even right-wing women whose stated values are exactly the polar opposite of yours can be allies with you on the subject of controlling the evil sex desires of men and their female “enablers”, and that you being a hipster liberal are more capable of guiding another woman’s experience than that woman herself, the inconvenient facts tend to get in the way of your rant.

Personally, I don’t think that girls who do personal private sex tapes of themselves willingly should have a Goddess damn thing to apologize for, nor should they be put up on charges if they are that self-confident and proud of their bodies and their sexual prowess. They should be careful and understand that their online “sexting” can be seen by others and that they should be prepared fully for any consequenses should their content fall into the wrong hands, and they should be aware of the local laws against showing sexual content among underage persons….but other than that, no one should be slut-shamed at all for showing themselves off willingly. It’s not the tapes that is the issue with Carrie Prejean, it’s the hypocrisy of her being such a right-wing antisex activist and attempting to criminalize the very activity she engages in in private.

On the other hand…it doesn’t help matters when self-identified liberal feminists, in their zeal to “protect” women from the “male gaze”, deny these same women their agency and free will and reduce all their activities to the essence of “male rapicity” and “sexual assault” as a “cultural concept” that targets “us”. as a gender.(And I’d say the exact same thing about Gloria Allred and her thinly-veiled threat to prosecute Prejean for her “sexting” activities.) The men who use their activities to slander and smear these women, though, should be called out and dealt with…but for their antisex bigotry and their excessive actions, not for them having erect penii.

In other words, Marcia Pally’s old adage still applies here: FIGHT SEXISM, NOT SEX. Too bad Amanda Marcotte is too caught up in herself and her feminist supreriority complex to read and understand that memo.

Update: By al means, Ren Ev and Natalia….pull your punches. Or not. (And Natalia?? Nice hair. )

[Note from Anthony: I am slowly recovering all of the posts that were in the old SmackDog Chronicles blog that was nuked by my old webhosting company last week, and reposting them here for legacy's sake. This particular post on the recent nuttiness of Chuck Norris was originally posted on December 18.]

We all know how wingnut celebs can go off the chain…see Michelle Bachmann, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, etc., etc,. and so on.

Some are more wingnutty then others, though…and a few just simply are off the charts.

Actor Chuck Norris — known for such distinct film and TV credits as The Rifleman, Missing in Action, and Walker: Texas Ranger – has become a rather outspoken Hard Right wingutter activist these days…and this week, he solidified his place in the Ulterverse of the Crazaa with a speil posted to Rich Lowry’s Human Events online rag addressing one of his favored pet peeves: namely, abortion as part of the Vast Leftist/Socialist/Secularist Conspiracy against God-Fearin’, Gun-Luvin’, Superkickin’ America. (His support for the secession of Texas from the Union aside, of course.)

The essay begins with Norris bemoaning current happenings in Washington D.C., regarding the current health care debate…especially what Chuckie sees as the dire threat of them Socialist Democrats to the safety of the preborn::

First, last Monday the Senate rejected the health care reform bill amendment introduced by Sen. Ben Nelson, D-Neb., and Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, that would have banned federal funds from providing for abortion.

Then, on Thursday, the House of Representatives rushed the clandestine approval of an overinflated $1 trillion omnibus bill, which includes 5,224 earmarks — costing about $3.9 billion — and an underhanded provision that would overturn a long-standing budget ban in the District of Columbia (whose budget is overseen by Congress) for federally funding abortions.

Then, after the Democratic-controlled Senate cleared a procedural vote on Saturday needed to end a Republican filibuster, in yet another near-secret Sunday afternoon session, the Senate passed the omnibus bill and the provision for Washington, D.C. Tragically, the bill also would appropriate $648.5 million for “international family planning” funding (an increase of $103 million over 2009) and would give funding for Planned Parenthood and the United Nations Population Fund, both of which have pro-abortion agendas.

In short, while President Obama was accepting the Nobel Peace Prize, the Democrats in Congress drove a sword through the womb of the unborn.

Of course, this essay was written before today’s news that Senator Nelson was threatening to block and filibuster the entire Senate HCR bill unless his favored antiabortion riders were included (and the further reductions of the tiny crumbs of subsidies to the poor that would serve as mostly candy sprikle over the mountain of crap giveaway/blackmail to Big Insura)…but that’s more irrelevant to this story for now. Now, Chuck Norris has every right to state his opposition to abortion, as does every American citizen. And if he has the bucks to use a rag like Human Events to spill his seeds of anger, well, more power to him. It’s a bit more problematic, though, when you attempt to reenforce your case with rhetoric like this:

Washington certainly has reached a new low by forcing American citizens who oppose abortion to pay for abortions via their taxes in this massively comprehensive way. Is it intentionally trying to spark the next Boston Tea Party? When our greatest values are thrown under the omnibus, how do they expect us to respond? (Washington’s wild spending and abandonment of traditional values and our Founders’ vision is what prompted me to add a 64-page expansion to the new paperback version of my New York Times best-seller Black Belt Patriotism, being released in January through Fidelis Books. See the new Web site at [Norris's webpage redacted, just google for it yourself.].)

Let’s forget about the gross pimping of Norris’ tome (gee, I guess that rather than throw tea into Boston Harbor, righties should just Superkick them evil socialist Dems out of power??) and get to the main heart of his graph: that federal funds are being used to fund abortions. Someone might want to alert Chuckles that there already is a prohibition in the law called the Hyde Amendment, that pretty much eliminates federal funding for such matters.

Now, what the Nelson amendment — and its House equivalent by Michigan Rep. Bart Stupak that is already included in the House version of the HCR legislation (which, of course, wingnuts like Norris still oppose to the death as “socialist”) — would do is to deny any health care entity using money from whatever “exchange” is used to expand health care beyond the private system, if not any HC provider using the exchange itself, from offering any form of reproductive remedy for women….including abortion, contraception, or even selling condoms. The amendment would also allow providers to use “conscienciious religious objection” to deny the provision of treatment such as contraception or any other form of prescription based on conservative morality…even for patients who have already paid for their services. Hummph….I guess that throwing women’s autonomy and reproductive choices under the “onmibus” as well as allowing fundamentalist Christians a back door means of imposing their fascist morality on the rest of us isn’t considered enough for Norris to warrent “the next Boston Tea Party”, right??

And, like I said, he’ll still oppose the bill anyway due to its “reckless Washington spending” on giving those shiftless lazy niggaz and illegal aliens….errrrr, poor, government dependent Black and Latin@ poor folk….access to health care they clealy don’t deserve. That must be reserved for Real Amerikins’…those who know how to dropkick Muslims, homosexuals, and slutty feminazis. Uh-huh. Next, Norris reveals the value of wingnut education though a (mis)reading of polling data:

Obama and Congress’ pro-abortion steps are being taken despite a recent nationwide survey that revealed that 4 in 5 U.S. adults would limit abortion’s legality. One in 3 would limit abortion to rape, incest or the saving of a mother’s life. One in 3 also would limit abortion to either the first three or first six months. Only 9 percent said abortion should be legal for any reason at any time during pregnancy.

Sounds interesting…except for the fact that you could interpret the same numbers to say that 67% would NOT limit the right of a woman to terminate pregnancy to the issues of rape, incest, or threat to the mother’s life; that the second study could just as easily be intrepreted to say that the same 67% would favor keeping abortion safe and legal within the first, if not the second trimester of pregnancy (where the overwhelming majority of abortions take place); and with the common sense note that it’s hardly likely that a woman would wait until after the 18th week of pregnancy just to decide to cut it off, so any third-trimester terminations are probably based on the dire threats to the life of the mother); and that very, very few people other than a fire-breathing radical feminist would even come close to promoting abortion on the 23rd week of pregnancy. Perhaps that’s why Norris doesn’t link the “nationwide survey” so that people of good cause can analyze it….common sense comes a dime a quadrillion for these folk.

After some more pimping and calls of the usual push poll, “call your Congressman and STOP this Modern preborn holocaust”, Norris gets to the heart of his mission as to how the war on the preborn dovetails with that other wingnut war without end, the “War on Christmas”. The results are, shall we say, stunning:

Lastly, as we near the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary had been covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor and uninsured teenage woman had been provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy? Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind if their parents had been as progressive as Washington’s wise men and women! Will Obamacare morph into Herodcare for the unborn?

Hold up a sec…..we are talking about Mary Magaldene, right?? The former prostitute who just so happened to be selected by The Lord Almighty to concieve through Virgin Birth (that means NO cheap whorish sex, Chuck) the future King of Kings and Prince of Peace…the one who while living talked about doing onto others as you would “the least of thee”; the one who gave the Sermon on the Mount; the one who drove the Moneychangers out of the Temple?? And….the one who said that thing about “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”??

I know, I know…that’s not the Wingnut version of the story of Jesus Christ that Chuck Norris would abide to, but it is His words as spoken in the Holy Word that is the Bible…why the hell would Obama “liberals” stone Holy Mary for that?? And I would probably guess that Mary, Mother of God, probably would be willing to accept health care (or, at least, a clean and safe manger) to bring Jesus into this world, right?? Because, I don’t really think that The Lord would take too kindly to the mother of his Son being stoned…see the destruction of Sodom and Gommorah for lesser offenses like raping angels.

In fact, Chuckie, you might want to consider your Teabagger allies before you run any smack about liberals wanting to stone women and kill babies….because wasn’t Herod more of a right-winger who would side with the Moneychangers?? And as for “being erased from history and the influence of mankind”…would that include those who died due to the Inquisition or the Middle Ages wars of religion??

Ahhhh…yeah. Herodcare, indeed.

Of course, as Renee from Womanist Musings pointed out so clearly, all Norris is revealing is his own misogynistic myopia:

What’s a little holiday slut shaming between devout Christians, right? Perhaps, if women’s bodies were not stigmatized, being an unwed mother would not be problematic? It seems like a reasonable assumption to me. Instead of giving birth in a manger, socialized healthcare would mean pre-natal care (shocking, I know) and a safe delivery in a hospital….but hey, it’s only baby Jesus, right? Who needs good medical care when you are giving birth to the son of God? Interestingly enough, I think Herod would be more inline with present day Conservative positions than Obama….but hey, who needs historical accuracy and logic when you have disciplining and slut shaming to do. Of course, Mary did keep her legs crossed but being a woman in a patriarchal society means that no matter the situation, you are always guilty of something.

I’m so sure that Chuckles would be so caring for all the other poor single women who were pregnant, barefoot, and suffering at that time. Sure, he would. Oh, but wait….Norris isn’t finished thursting yet

America doesn’t need to turn the page on culture wars, such as the one on abortion. It needs to reopen the pages of its history to our Founders’ elevated views of and rights for all human beings (including those in the womb), as documented in the Declaration of Independence and our Constitution. We need to revive and re-instill their value of humanity back into society, our children and our children’s children.

And most of all, Washington needs to run our government as Thomas Jefferson outlined in an 1809 letter: “The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only legitimate object of good government.”

Oh, so the Declaration of Independence actualy did say that all unborn children were as worthy of life as the already born…and that all human beings — including women, Blacks (that slavery thing excluded), poor people without wealth or property, and of course the Native and Hispanic population not unfortunate enough to get slaughtered and their homelands stolen from under them — are worthy of protection for their freedom of religion…as long as that religion serves The Bible According to Rush Limbaugh. Oh, wait…it didn’t?? And most of the Founding Fathers were actually Deists who didn’t believe in God….and specifically opposed mixing Church and State?? What are ‘ya…an evil athiest Socialist Liberal Muslim from Kenya??? Why, you anti-American Commie, I oughta…. *smack to the ground*

I could say something more against all this crap, but Renee says it so much better than I could, so I’ll just borrow from her.

When all else fails, just call upon the founders because they weren’t in the least bit flawed, like every other person that has walked the planet. We can just ignore that the rights that they were fighting for benefitted privileged, rich, educated White men, who interestingly enough, aside from the educated part, are quite a bit like Norris himself. Women and Blacks weren’t even considered people but hey, why let a little thing like that tarnish the image of the saintly founders? Perhaps, the lure of manifest destiny and the slaughter of millions of First Nations peoples kept them to busy to consider the morality of their actions. You know how it is when you get an idea in your head, if you a goal driven person.

When you examine who is touting conservative values, how can their views be taken seriously? From Sara Palin to Chuck Norris, not a one of them has a functioning brain cell between them. They always hearken back to this mythical past, ignoring that in reality, for those living during that time it was a nightmare. Before the women’s movement there were no domestic violence shelters. How many women lived with their abusers with no possibility of escape? Before Roe vs Wade, how many women died in back alley abortions? If the past was perfect, we should ask who was it perfect for because I am certain that an unemployed, single Black mother has it rough today and she would have had it even worse in previous times.

When we pull the curtain away from the wizard, what we see is failed logic desperately employed to reduce the lives of women, while maintaining patriarchal power. If Norris is so concerned about teh babies, why isn’t he actively working to fight child poverty or for better education in schools? The bottom line is that none of this concern troll knuckle twisting is really about concern for children; it is about disciplining women for daring to demand control over their reproduction. If children really mattered, they would not be abused, undereducated, and used as a political tools by people.

Oh, but Rene..folks like Walker, Texas Wingnut are certainly concerned about the education of our youth…which is why he is so keen on black belts and karate training. How else should a right-wing whackjob deal with women whom he wants to control???