You would think that even the densest of wingnuts would give the proper gravitas and respect to natural calamity. That no one would stoop so low as to turn a disaster of cataclysmic proportions into yet another self-promotional, egotistical excuse to shill their personal myopias.

Unfortunately, Rush Limbaugh and the “Reverend” Pat Robertson either didn’t get the memo about being tactful in the face of devastation…or they are just that plain racist, dimwitted, tone-deaf, blind, and generally typical right-wing asshat fuckheads.

Imagine, if you will, if it was, say, Staten Island rather than Haiti that had suffered a cataclysmic 7.0 earthquake that basically flattened even 4-story buildings, wrecked infrastructure, and basically left millions of people in utter chaos not knowing whether or not their friends or family or lovers were even alive.

I’d probably suspect that you wouldn’t be hearing any talk of blaming the victims for creating their own doom, or accusing those officials rushing over to give whatever assistance they could of playing political games.

But..when the country is Haiti, the US President is Barack Obama, and the bulk of the victims happen to be Black….well, let’s say that the temptations of some of our more racist and chauvinistic politicos and spokespersons are just a bit too much to resist.

First, to “Rev”. Pat, who has long had a fabled history of seeing pain and suffering as “God’s will” and “God’s revenge” on the victims for not living right — as in ‘not living right-wing as good, fascist fundie Christians should live”. (Remember how he amd the now departed Jerry Falwell blamed the terrorist attacks of 9-11-2001 on “atheists”, homosexuals, and “abortionists”?? Or how he basically predicted that Florida would suffer through hurricanes due to Walt Disney World’s dangerous tolerance of queers??) Yesterday on his syndicated program The 700 Club, rhe Far Right-eous Reverend decided to put his foot in it again, this time discussing why Haiti had such a horrible string of natural disasters. (That country had been devastated earlier by Hurricanes Fay, Gustav, and Ike, as well as non-tropical flooding, not to mention the aftereffects of political and ethnic strife and economic imperialism, the Duvalier dictatorship, and just being the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere.)

And you know Christy, something happened a long time ago in Haiti and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French, uh you know Napoleon the third and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said we will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French. True Story, and so the Devil said OK it’s a deal. And they kicked the French out. You know, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since they’ve been cursed by one thing after the other desperately poor. That island is Hispaniola is one island. It’s cut down the middle. On one side is Haiti on the other side is the Dominican republic. Dominican Republic is prosperous, healthy, full of resorts, etc.. Haiti is in desperate poverty. Same island. They need to have and we meed to pray for them a great turning to god and out of this tragedy I’m optimistic something good may come.

Oh, I see….so it’s that damn Voudou (only ignorant Westerners still refer to the native magickal tradition as “voodoo”) and the foolishness of Toussaint :L’Overture in thinking that Black slaves there actually deserved to be the equal of the White man that condemns Haiti to such bad luck….but, if they would just get right with Jesus Christ, then all would be much better and they’d enjoy the prosperity of their enterprising brothers on the other side of the island. Or..so says Rev. Pat.

Of course, it would have been even pathetic even if Robertson got almost everything in his rant wrong…like, the fact that it was Napoleon Bonaparte, NOT Napoleon III, who ruled Haiti in the name of France at the time of the slave revolt. Or the fact that that “deal with the devil” not only helped that nation achieve their freedom, but ultimately greatly benefited the United States, since it was the bleeding dry of Napoleon’s troops and funds that prompted him to give up the entire Louisiana Territory — not only New Orleans and what is now the state of Louisiana, but the whole damn territory running from Canada down to the Gulf — for what would be considered as the bargin of the millenia at $10 million.

It took Haiti’s ambassador to the US to put down Rev. Pat’s senility but good.

The Rachel Maddow Show (MSNBC): 1-12-10 Segment with Haitian Ambassador to the US Raymond Joseph reacting to Pat Robertson’s “pact with the devil caused Haiti’s suffering” smack (via YouTube)

There’s wingnut history…and then there’s REAL history. Too bad all of Rev. Pat’s millions couldn’t get him an actual book to read other than the Old Testament.

But, at least Rev. Pat has the legitimate excuse of senility.

Rush Limbaugh, on the other hand, simply knows better…he’s just that much of a racist asshole.

Jabba the Fat-Ass Oxycontin Addict/Football Analyst decided yesterday te bring his own verbal diarrhea to the debate, using his junk box of a radio talk show to focus on Prez O’s immediate response to the tragedy, incorporating it to his usual rants of “Obama the Magic Negro attempting to play the Black community” meme and his ceaseless comparison to the response to the “Underpants Bomber” aborted attack in Detroit earlier this month.

All the quotes following are taken from Media Matters via their “Limbaugh Wire” column of yesterday.

LIMBAUGH: I want you to remember it took [Obama] three days — three days — to respond to the Christmas Day Fruit of Kaboom bomber. Three days. And when he came out after those three days, he was clearly irritated that he had to do it. He didn’t want to do it. He comes out here in less than 24 hours to speak about Haiti.

[...]

Oh, this is what he lives for. He lives for serving those in misery. Now don’t misunderstand here, folks. See, this is — I wonder — I don’t have the whole press conference, but I wonder: Did he apologize for America before acknowledging we are the only people on Earth that can possibly help them out down there in any significant way?

Oh, but let’s just compare….three days to react to an attempted plane bombing that ends up killing no one, with the offender arrested and placed in custody (and compared to the six days it took for Dubya to respond to the earlier Richard Reid “Shoe Bomber” attempt)….versus 24 hours to react to a major devastating 7.0 earthquake near the capital city of a major low-lying and heavily populated area in the Western Hemisphere, with a potential death toll moving into tens of thousands, if not the hundreds of thousands. But, hey, it’s just those shiftless nigg…..ahhh, I mean, those welfare queen and gangsta Blacks, so why should we decent conservatives give a shit…ehhhh, Rushbo??.

So, why is Obama sooooo worried about those poor folk?? Can’t be because of human empathy for suffering and cataclysmic disaster, or simply the human need to lend a hand to those in need.  Naaaah….must be something more political and nefarious afoot…like, domestic politics, maybe??

LIMBAUGH: Yes, I think in the Haiti earthquake, ladies and gentlemen — in the words of Rahm Emanuel, we have another crisis simply too good to waste. This will play right into Obama’s hands — humanitarian, compassionate. They’ll use this to burnish their — shall we say — credibility with the black community, in the both light-skinned and dark-skinned black community, in this country. It’s made-to-order for ‘em. That’s why he couldn’t wait to get out there. Could not wait to get out there.

Hmmmm….so actually sending our best and brightest people and resources to a country in complete chaos and disorder following a natural disaster of untold magnitude isn’t motivated by moral kindness and urgency…but plain old fashioned Machevellian realpolitick.  Yeah, right, Rush, you fuckhead, just like what Dubya and “Heck of a job” Brownie did during Hurricane Katrina. And just like Dubya did when he rushed himself to New York City to aid the victims of 9-11…oh, wait, he didn’t???

Ohh, but wait, El Rushbo’s not quite finished with this:

LIMBAUGH: That place, Haiti, has been run by dictators and communists. And how long is it gonna be, how long is it gonna be before we hear Obama and the left in this country say that what we really need to do is reinstate the communist Aristide to the leadership position down there to coordinate putting the country back together? The Haitian economy is entirely dependent on foreign aid. They produce nothing — zilch, zero, nada.

Awwww, come on, Rush….you’re not going to give Papa Doc and Baby Doc Duvalier and the Tonton Macoutes their due for ruling Haiti with an iron fist for the benefit of United Fruit and Chiquita??  Or for doing you and your “business” allies the favor of toppling Jean-Bertrand Aristide from power (and slaughtering hundreds of thousands in the process in the name of progress and prosperity)?? And actually, putting Aristide and the people back in power would be a great idea…for later. Saving lives and getting things in some sembulance of order takes first priority right now.

But even with all that, you would think that that small, tiny smidget of a soul that wasn’t cut out of Limbaugh’s heart after his recent surgery would enable him to at least support efforts to get funds and relief to the people struggling for basic survival. Yeah, sure he would…as long as it’s not organized by the Obama White House.

LIMBAUGH: Would you trust the money’s gonna go to Haiti?

CALLER: No.

LIMBAUGH: But would you trust that your name is gonna end up on the mailing list for the Obama people to start asking you for campaign donations for him and other causes?

CALLER: Absolutely.

LIMBAUGH: Absolutely right.

CALLER: That’s the point.

LIMBAUGH: Besides, we’ve already donated to Haiti. It’s called the U.S. income tax.

Yeah…the same income tax that donates $3 BILLION a year of foreign aid to the state of Israel to maintain nuclear overkil. And I though that right-wingers like Limbaugh wanted to do away with income taxes as evil Marxism incarnate??

Blackened hearts like those that beat from Limbaugh and Robertson can only be pitied by those of us with normally functioning brain cells and morals…but the fact that these charletons are able to actually thrive and profit off other people’s sufferings and pain, and even use such as a talking point for their mockery, is just plain pathetic. But then again, this is America, where bigotry sells.

I’ll just leave Olbermann to pass the true and final consensus judgment on these fools, as only KO can.

Countdown with Keith Olbermann (MSNBC): 1/13/10 “Quick Comment” on the rantings of Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh on the Haiti calamity (via YouTube)

[This is another post from the old SmackChron that was posted last November.]

[Updated below: scroll to bottom.]

You know…it is really tempting for me to jump head first into the latest fracus involving the former Miss California Carrie Prejean, who recently had her Joan of Arc transformation hit another huge stumble.

The woman who has attempted to make herself into the martyr for beautiful artificially enhanced right-wing fundie Christain beauty pagent ingenues got herself caught yet again when she attempted to sue the officials of the Miss California pagent for $1 million damages from their stripping her of her title due to her supposed breach of their contract. Prejean had claimed that she was being target solely for her conservative religious views.

Well, it’s kinda hard to say you are being persecuted when you take advantage of the pagents largesse to get a boob job, or you hide from the pagent officials cheesecake topless photos you made of yourself earlier in your career…but that pales in comparison to this latest.

For, you see, the pagent officials broke out a videotape at the hearing on her lawsuit showing Ms. Prejean doing a lot more than just posing.

As in…full on naked.

As in…masturbating.

Complete with a facial closeup that proved that it was indeed her, in spite of her initial denials. “That’s disgusting!!!” she was alleged to have said at first.

15 seconds after the film ended, Ms. Prejean dropped her lawsuit.

That night, James Dobson’s fundie Right group Focus on the Family dropped Ms. Prejean from a benefit fundraiser they had scheduled her to appear in this week.

The Hollywood gossip site TMZ.com first released the news of the sex tape, with their usual snark (but without releasing the actual tape for the obvious legal reasons): “Let’s just say that she has a promising solo career ahead of her.”

And the popular reaction is of the usual range…from shrieks of denial and allegations of “Blackmail!!!” from her fans to cries of “Dirty hypotwat!” and “Skank ‘ho!!!” from her detractors.

For this man, though, there is mixed feelings.

Yeah, part of me is feeling the schaudenfreude of watching someone who lectures others on their lack of morality being hoisted on their own petard. You can’t moan and groan about gays and porn girls and sluts by day, Carrie dear, and make solo jill-off vids and softcore cheesecake at night.

On the other hand, though, I actually feel some empathy and even sympathy for Ms. Prejean…because for a woman who is raised on fundamentalist notions of sexuality, it’s not that easy to battle the conflict between everything you have been taught about non procreative sexuality being a “sin” of the devil, and those sexual feelings that young women obviously confront.

No one coerced Ms. Prejean into making that video, and I’m probably guessing that she sincerely enjoyed making it and got herself off good and plenty…and she was obviously doing it for the pleasure of herself and other viewers.

Being someone who is all about respecting female sexual pleasure, it is quite encouraging to me that even someone as bellicose and as pious as Carrie Prejean is capable of tapping into herself and her inner sexual desires. Just because she may have intended it to be only for her and her intimate partner’s enjoyment (though, I’m wondering if she might have wanted it out there for other people, but hesitated because it would conflict with her “good Christian girl” image) doesn’t mean that she or any other conservative woman isn’t capable of enjoying sex and orgasms for their own sake.

Of course, the Puritans on the Right (and not a few liberal Puritans as well) won’t take it too kindly that Ms. Prejean has missed up their preconceptions of young women as either repressed spinsters or mindless sluts. And the usual knuckle-draggers will make with all the usual insults of “We knew she was a skanky ‘ho who degrades women…now, when will we see the damn tape so that we may jack off ourselves??”

Personally, I admit it….I want to see the tape myself. Not to belittle or insult Ms. Prejean, but to honor her. I really do hope that she did have a good time making the tape, and that whomever the tape was intended for got what was intended from it.

And maybe, just maybe, all the fracus about this tape will begin a period of enlightenment for Ms. Prejean, in which she reconciles the beauty of her body and her sexuality with the voices whispering in her head that sexuality is something to be feared or repressed. Perhaps, she will see that she is a hell of a lot closer to those porn performers and “sluts” who engage in and even record their acts of self-pleasure for the sheer joy of the orgasm than she is to the Jim Dobsons and Pat Buchanans and Michelle Bachmanns who use her celebrity and noteriety to sell their own repressive fascist agenda.

Then again, she might just call it an evil gay/liberal conspiracy and continue to rant and moan about “traditional values” and the dire threat of gay marriage. Who knows??

Either way, I’d rather respect women who make masturbation videos who don’t feel shame or disgust for loving sex. Whether they be conservative, liberal, radical or not.

——————————————————————————————————————————————-

[Update 11-10-2009]

Well..I tried to give Carrie P the benefit of the doubt, but she just took it and crushed my hopes to the ground. Looks like she’s going full tilt wingnut Haggard on us.

This week, Miss Prejean has been hitting the talk show circuit hard (with stops at The View, NBC Today, and Fixed Noise’s Hannity), attempting to play her Joan of Arc act that she was merely a victim of the usual liberal media witch hunt against conservative women…even goin so far as to refer herself to being “Palinized” merely for standing up for “traditional values” and “Christian faith”. What’s so particually inane is that she’s now pimping her “tell-all” book, where she decides to blame her current troubles on not only those dirty leftists, but even dares to take shots at the secular culture and especially porn for its alleged evil impacts on society I’ll just give you some examples Carrie’s lunacy:.

Former Miss California Carrie Prejean on Tuesday defended a recently surfaced erotic video of her as a youthful indiscretion and questioned whether it could actually be called a “sex tape” since no one else appears in it.

“It was me by myself. There was no one else with me. I was not having sex,” the controversial beauty queen told TODAY’s Meredith Vieira in New York.

Prejean admitted to making the video of herself and sending it to her boyfriend when she was 17 years old. The tape surfaced during a negotiating session with the Miss California pageant officials over a lawsuit Prejean filed against the organization for stripping her of her crown earlier this year. When the tape’s existence was revealed, Prejean dropped her suit and settled with the officials, who reportedly paid her $100,000 to go toward her legal expenses.

(excerpted from MSNBC.com online article)

Ahhh….OK, Carrie….so it was a tape that you made when you were young. But…surely you were raised with all those wonderful Christian values enough that you had a sliver of thought back then about the repercussions of making such a tape BEFORE you actually made it??

And please….you “weren’t having sex”?!?!?! Last time I checked, stimulating your clit with your fingers resulting in an orgasm was still considered to be sex….otherwise, how in the hell would you criticize Bill Clinton for what he had with Monica Lewinsky?? Or, does the Bible allow for exeptions for masturbation lately??

“You can call it whatever you want to call it. If you want to call it a sex tape, that’s fine,” Prejean told Vieira. “I sent it to my boyfriend at the time. I was a teenager. I cared about him. I trusted him,” she added. “I think now they call it ‘sexting.’“Did I think it would come back now and haunt me? No. But I think that a lot of young people can learn from this. Nothing is private anymore. Nothing is private.”

Really, Carrie?? Well…it certainly isn’t private when you go out and run nonsense like this (excerpted from her soon-to-released bio, via TMZ.com):

“Unfortunately, pornography has become mainstreamed — it rushes at us through big screens, portable screens; soft-core porn is on mainstream TV cable stations, hard-core porn is just a mouse click away on the internet, and the envelope of what seems acceptable seems to get pushed farther and farther as more and more people are exposed to this material.

The result is that girls grow up in a culture where it is hard to have an innocent, healthy, normal view of themselves, how they should behave, how they should act, and how they should dress.”

“Our bodies are temples of the Lord. We should earn respect and admiration for our hearts, not for showing skin to look sexy … I have since learned that your outer beauty can only get you so far in life.”

Let’s see here….so, calling Carrie Prejean out on her hypocrisy in getting her ass caught making sex tapes and softcore porn stills while decrying the availability of such material on the public is basically “trashing conservative women.” I guess that means that Michelle Bachmann and Ann Coulter aren’t really as batshitty as we think, but are simply misunderstood and trashed by the “liberal” media??

And of course, “American values are under attack”…mostly by the overwhelming majorities of Americans who actually voted the likes of Barack Obama into office, and who,elected Democrats to super-majority status (though it is highly questionable whether that amouts to “liberal bias” to begin with) and rejected the social conservative policies represented by that other conservative martyr, Sarah Palin. But, hey, that must have been a figment of the liberal media’s imagination, too, I guess..

As for the smackdown on Olbermann….well, he had a response for that. You think that KO wouldn’t be ready??

Countdown with Keith Olbermann (MSNBC): 11/9/09 “#1 Story” segment  on Carrie Prejean’s “sex tape” hypocrisy and her call out of the “liberal” media for alegedly “attacking” her (via YouTube)